What they don’t tell you

There’s a lot of things that they tell you about college, but there’s also a lot of things they don’t. They don’t tell you that with all those highs, the lows are even worse. They don’t tell you that with the best of friends that you make also comes with the most hurt in the world. They don’t tell you that those same friends you called in the middle of the night crying after fights with loved ones, are the same ones that will make fun of you for being upset and will tell everyone your deepest thoughts. The people you thought you could trust are the ones who hurt you the most. If you are either of these people who I am talking about, then I’m sorry for you both.

If you are the one crying at night because your friends hurt you, I’m sorry that those who are close to you have hurt you and that you feel as though you can’t trust anyone. Sometimes it’s okay though, sometimes you just need to trust you and as bad as it seems just write it out and it’ll relieve some of the pain. If you are that person, you’re not alone. Because I am too. I’ve been hurt by people I’ve thought were the best of friends. Sometimes that hurts more than being hurt by people you know who are out to hurt you. At least with that you are expecting it, when it comes from friends its like you’ve been hit with a semi truck in the middle of a corn field. Maybe that’s a bad analogy but I think it’s perfect. It shows how big of a blind side it is. Maybe that’s why I’m writing this now, at 4:24 in the morning. Oddly specific isn’t it? Maybe I want specifics to not get lost in the fluff and the colors. Maybe I want black and white, because it’s easier to understand. Maybe colors give too much room for interpretation. I mean isn’t different interpretation why wars start, why girls scrawl hurtful things on the walls of bathrooms, why you cry silently to music when everyone is laughing, why something good is now a horrible memory. Maybe when you read this you’ll understand how I felt most of my senior year, and most of my 1st year of college away from home. Maybe you’ll understand why the things you do have so much of an impact on me, maybe you’ll realize that you too are responsible for my actions.

Now for those of you who are on the opposite side of this. Those who are the semi-truck plowing through the cornfield, who are hurting those you said were friends. You are the worst of all. It’s different when it’s coming on a highway and you can see the the driver swerving the truck, knowing it’ll hurt when it hits. You, you come from left field and you hit the hardest. The sad thing is,  I honestly think you do it because you’re drowning in your own life. Searching for air but you can’t find any, so instead you hurt others and take their air. You see, maybe you’re reading this and thinking, this isn’t me, but let me assure you it is. You are this person most of all when you are denying it, because at this point you can’t even own up to it. You can’t even realize that you are hurting someone. That’s what makes you worse than you realize, because if you own up to it at least then you can apologize. You can’t even do that.

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