A Letter to the Lost Ones….

To: The lost ones

From: The ones left behind..

There has been a time once, where I thought I could not heal, when I thought that what I’d faced had caused irreparable damage. As the days wore on I began to eat at myself, began to hate that I was breathing while you were not. I wondered for so long why God let it happen. Why I couldn’t stop it, but the truth is you couldn’t be stopped even if I had known sooner than the last words.

Healing is a process by which we cannot understand the stages of. From pain and hate to love and compassion to an unending bliss of understanding. From the unknown darkness that is grief to the white light that is forgiveness. Forgiving you, forgiving myself, forgiving the people I blamed for so long.

Tearing at my chest were your last words and tearing at the gray matter in my skull were the last few moments we had together. Now though in the time I’ve had I realized you made the ultimate sacrifice, one that you thought would unlock the door to me finding true happiness. And in your crazy twisted way you were right, I forgive you for the pain and the hurt, and cherish the love that we had. I promise to make you proud, that’s what I can do right.

I may not see you for a while, but I know you’re there watching over my shoulder and making me safe. A Guardian Angel is what you are, what you always have been, but now you have wings.

You’ve given me time to heal, to realize that you truly are forever 21 but you’ve also saved me from myself and given me a purpose in life. Maybe the road to healing isn’t the one that doctors can prescribe in a bottle, but the one that allows the tears to flow and the healing to come to a close. Healing isn’t the same for everyone, some it comes as an apology, others as a scream rips from their throat, and others through the course of daily life as they try to fumble their way back to a sense of being okay.

So I may be upset that you aren’t here but I’m glad that you are now truly free. R.I.P. to the loved lost ones.

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